30 Best Chuck Norris Facts

For those of you who didn’t know, Chuck Norris was born in 1940 the United States. He’s a world famous Martial Artist, Actor and Media Personality. He gained fame with his “tough guy image” through his roles in numerous action films in the 1980s. People of my generation will probably be aware of the Missing in Action and Delta Force films of this period. He was the leading action star for Cannon Pictures in the 1980s. He also starred in Walker Texas Ranger between 1993 and 2001. Because of “tough guy image” people have been posting various Chuck Norris facts online and he’s gained internet fame for this reason Not bad for someone who turns 70 in 2010. This post contains the 30 best Chuck Norris Jokes I’ve found on the net. Some of you have probably heard some of these before.

  • Chuck Norris invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C – Twice.
  • Chuck Norris’ website gets no hits cause no one hits Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris stares at a steak and it turns to biltong.
  • Chuck Norris’ email address is ChuckNorris. He is the internet domain.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
  • Chuck Norris’ CPU doesn’t have a fan.
  • Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  • There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  • Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
  • Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
  • Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  • Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
  • Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
  • Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
  • In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
  • When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
  • Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
  • Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
  • Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
  • One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
  • Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once gave his cell phone a brain tumor.
  • Chuck Norris can watch “60 Minutes” in 20 seconds.
  • Chuck Norris never learns. He knows.
  • Touching Chuck Norris’ beard will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following roundhouse kick will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math.
  • Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
  • When Chuck Norris was little he followed a rainbow. He met a leprechaun and asked for its gold. It wouldn’t give it to him. This is why we no longer have leprechauns.

This is a video of Chuck Norris reading the Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts:

Related Links:
Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator
Chuck Norris Facts – Funny & Jokes
More Chuck Norris Facts
More Chuck Norris Facts

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Henno Kruger
Blogger, Desktop Activist, Twitter / Facebook Addict, Music Festival Addict, Avid lover of South African music, Founder and owner of Running Wolf's Rant and co-founder of SA Music Zone
Henno Kruger

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  • The Bergakker

    I don’t think the Star Wars and programming ones are that funny. It might be funny to a great deal of people such as Star-Wars-Nerds but I don’t think it appeals to everyone. Maybe not the best 30 Chuck Norris quotes, in an objective sense. Don’t like:

    • Chuck Norris invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C – Twice
    • Chuck Norris’ email address is ChuckNorris. He is the internet domain
    • Chuck Norris’ CPU doesn’t have a fan
    • In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
    • Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father
    • Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris
    • When Chuck Norris was little he followed a rainbow. He met a leprechaun and asked for its gold. It wouldn’t give it to him. This is why we no longer have leprechauns

    Ones I would add:
    • Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet, water gets Chuck Norris-ed
    • Chuck Norris doesnt cut his grass , he dares it to grow
    • Spiderman’s children wears Chuck Norris pajamas

    🙂 have a nice weekend.

    • Running Wolf

      The Bergakker: Thanks for your comment. I might do a follow up post on this topic, you never know

  • Epic!