Another Epic Breakup Letter

A while ago I posted an example of an epic breakup letter from a girl. Today I found another epic breakup letter while browsing The Chive. To be honest if I it were me I’d break up with this person for most of these reasons too. It’s hard to tell if this letter entitled “Why I’m Dumping You” is directed to a girl or a guy. Judge for yourself.

Why I'm Dumping YouTo be honest I would not break up with someone for some of these reasons, but I do have to highlight a few that would force me to do that. I’m going to highlight a few of them below:

  • “You Think Predator 2 is better than the original” This could be a reason to break up with someone. Predator 2 sucked balls compared to the first one. How could anyone like that film? I would probably sight “You Think The Star Wars Prequels are better the original trilogy” as one of my reasons too (depending on how geeky my girlfriend is).
  • “It’s not Cousint, it’s cousin” If the person I am dating isn’t a grammar or spelling Nazi then I’m probably dating someone who isn’t the right person for me. Their IQ should be a little higher than this to be acceptable.
  • “You Can Name All of the Dudes in 1 Direction” Let’s get this straight folks, 1 Direction is not a band, they’re a bunch of winey teeny bobbers doing exactly what New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, Nsync, Take That, Westlife, Boyzone did in the past and you should not know any of their names if you’re a dude. If you’re a girl that listens to them, I probably would not date you in the first place.
  •  “You have one too many posters of Michael Phelps in a speedo” It’s okay to be a fan boy or fan girl, but more than one poster of the same person in your living room is probably overkill. Chances are that if I find out that you’re a girl with 10 posters of Kurt Darren against her walls, I’d probably dump you.
  • “Snow Dogs is your favorite movie” Valid reason. There are thousands of other films that are examples of cinematic poetry and awesome cinematography. Films like Braveheart and Gladiator come to mind. Chances are this person got sucked into watching reruns of American Idol or Survivor or something.
  • “Must you tell every single person about that time you were visited by Aliens” Now this would be a valid reason as well. If you think that you were abducted by aliens (and I’m not talking about the obscure folks without teeth who live on the wrong side of the train tracks) then you are seriously mentally ill and not the person I’d want to be with, especially if you talk  about it all the time.
  • “Vegans do not eat bacon, dumbass” Now folks, if you date someone who is a vegetarian or a vegan, make sure you know what they eat and don’t eat. Be respectful for goodness sake. If I were a vegan I’d dump this person as well.
  • “You wore sweatpants to my grandma’s funeral, and no, it doesn’t matter that they were black” Seriously? If any of my grandma’s were still alive I’d dump that person right after the funeral. Wearing sweatpants doesn’t show respect, it highlights your crack. I don’t think sweatpants were EVER in fashion, so why bother wearing them in the first place?
  • “Your favorite actor is Kirk Cameron” Oh my word, of all of the lame actors in the whole wild world you pick this one. The last time he did something significant was when he appeared on Growing Pains (a show I vaguely remember from the 1980’s).

Well, there you go, my take on this epic breakup letter. Feel free to share your insights about this. Which one of these would be reason enough to break up with someone you’re currently in a relationship with? Leave a comment and let me know.

Watch this space for regular updates in the Opinion and Humor categories on Running Wolf’s Rant


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Henno Kruger
Blogger, Desktop Activist, Twitter / Facebook Addict, Music Festival Addict, Avid lover of South African music, Founder and owner of Running Wolf's Rant and co-founder of SA Music Zone
Henno Kruger

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