How To Avoid Becoming That Guy

Dance Dance RevolutionI have always had more guy friends than friends with boobs. Some say it’s because I’m obnoxious and arrogant (something that girls apparently don’t like) and others say it’s just because I’m a doos (but a fun doos at that). None the less, my friendship with boys has taught me a lot of things. Some were useful, others not so much.

I’ve been in conversations where most girls wouldn’t want to be and heard some things that unfortunately can’t be unheard. But there were also those conversations where the boys discussed who can close any deal, who can’t and who is most likely to end up as ‘That guy’…

Now, if you’re wondering what ‘That guy’ is, he’s not the one who is going to live the happy boning single life forever, oh no sir! He’s the one that makes a girl want to reach for her rape spray, the kind with the purple stain in it.

[Envision Scenario Here…]

There you are out on a Friday night with your buddies, knocking down a few, having an all-round jolly time when you suddenly notice that guy…

The guy who is there alone even though he is in his late 30s, early 40s. Waiting for young drunken prey with bad judgement to notice him and his pair of fancy boots with tight, old nut sack hugging skinnies.  Right then and there you make a self-promise to never be that guy.

“Rather kill me kind Sir, kick my face in with your fancy boots…”

They move around the bar area, ogling girls who are way above their line of prey… never going in for the kill… just stalking… waiting in the dark of the night…

Now you being in your late 20s or even early 30s start thinking “Please God, don’t let that be me in a few years’ time”! Sometimes God answers your prayers, and other times he lets you burn…

If you get these few tips down now, chances are you won’t be ‘That guy’ in 10 years’ time because you won’t be such a needy little shit.

Keep your balls a good manly size.

You won’t see women flocking over ‘That guy’. Women are attracted to confidence. Men get rejected more than women. The more some men get rejected the smaller their balls become… ‘That guy’ has usually been rejected 20 times more than he would like to admit… I say embrace each and every rejection you have ever been dealt. See it as an opportunity to better yourself and to work on that shite strategy when it comes to closing! The girl who you are trying to pick-up doesn’t know you, she’s not aware of the fact that you collect porcelain dolls or still sleep with a night light, so you have nothing to fear.

Except if you really collect dolls. Then you are creepier than that guy and you shouldn’t be near any bar, schools or other public places…

Sometimes a date is just a date.

Women like to be swooned like those Disney Princesses. We also like to feel that we are in charge of things which make us horrible to understand. We want things we can’t have, and want things we don’t really want just because it’s harder to get. We want you, to want us because we like you- until you like us back then we want space. What we really need is to be shock treated.

So, if you got us to go on a date, congratulations. You just opened the gates of Hell. Now keep in mind; 1) sometimes a date might lead to more than being just dinner or a movie. 2.) You must have done something right for the girl to say yes to a date in a first place. 3.) Other times, even though we say we had a good time, the date was still just a date.

We don’t want to have sex with you right away (sometimes we do) or send you a picture of our pooter.

You’re still young and have the opportunity to date as many women as possible- use it! ‘That guy’, the creepy ‘I want to see your pooter guy’ probably didn’t and that is why he still can’t close till today… A date is nothing more than an opportunity for you to spend time with someone, to see whether you have mutual chemistry. ‘Those guys’ tend to try and push the chemistry. If we like you, we will find a way to show you. If we don’t and you keep on keepin’ on, we will mace your face.

Just be you.

Women want someone they can just ‘be’ with. Whether it’s a long term relationship, friendship or boning buddy we want someone with who we can be comfortable with. So stop comparing yourself to your friend who has a bigger penis than you, is dating 3 girls or drives a lekker double cab bakkie. ‘That guy’  was never happy with the person he was or how he used his youth, and that is why he is still just lurking in the dark of the night trying to go unnoticed.

Confidence closes, so get that shit up and running! Somewhere you are winning in your own way, like for instance your friend who is banging 3 girls might catch Herpes… you on the other hand wont!

Acknowledge your age and the places you are hanging out at.

Very few of us, men and women look as good now as when we did in our 20s. Youth, (and I’m talking about those little 16 year old shits that are so cool) can spot anyone over the age of 20 a mile away… I know this; my little sister is one of them.

There is nothing quite as sad as someone who is way over the age of Drop Zone still going there, skoffeling a few moves with the hope of attracting a 17 year old to proof ‘you still got it’. Regardless or your age, having a good time is sweet, but stick to a genre more close to home and your age.

WHAT IF IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU?

If you have just read this post and realised you are already that guy or soon becoming the creep, STOP and save yourself NOW; www.WeSellGuns.co.za or www.wesellporcelaindolls.co.za

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Leave a comment and let me know. Feedback is appreciated and welcome here.

Watch this space for regular updates in the Opinion category on Running Wolf’s Rant.

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