It’s all about that bass

Truly it’s all about that bass, the booty, the ka-donk-donk, the apple bottoms… call it what you want. I’m a cow, I’m naturally curvy just like my human. What pisses us both off is when these skinny ass girls say “I’m so fat, I gym like twice a day but don’t loose like these last 2 kg”. Listen lady if you want to make a woman who isn’t a size 8 – 12 look at you like you are wearing a roadkill on your head, then don’t say shit like that.

CurvesFor years both of us had to come to terms that we are a bit of a plus size. Although you won’t find us buying clothes are you local circus tent market, we do wear anything from a size 14 – 16 (some shops clothes are made for children and not South African women if you ask me).

In some South African cultures, having a big booty is the one thing that man wants in a women. But gooi it over to white guys and you got a completely different attitude. Yes, even I was once the ‘fat friend that is with them’, I will never forget that festival. What I try to understand these days is why guys are so completely picky. Some male friends say they love see girls shake their asses to Megan Trainor’s hit and yet those girls have to run around in the shower to get wet.

Being curvy is not always because we over eat. In fact we eat as healthy as the next person, neither of us smoke and we have limited our drinking spree from daily to weekly. Our problem is maybe a lack of exercise (or lack of time) but I saw it in my human, she used to jog everyday and still stayed at a size 14. Strange but true. When she was single no guy even looked at her in a different light, she was the good friend, “one of the guys”.

She eventually gave up on dressing like a girl (after a dare in the beginning of the year by her two best friends) and she went back to her jeans and Converse because she felt the most comfortable in them. She didn’t blow dry her hair anymore, she went back to wearing more natural make up and boom! Next thing here was her current boyfriend and you know what he said to us “She’s a beautiful girl, not like a girl-girl, she’s comfortable. But that ass of hers… mmm” – yes you get the idea.

On a recent outing to our favourite waterhole here in Nelsparta, I overheard a group of guys talking. They were measuring the girls that they know and talking about what they wearing at bar – tits and ass came up, a lot (and don’t be offended but it’s true). They were rating a bit of a curvy girl as fat and finding girls who spend more time in the gym than any man sexy. Of course I wanted to throw a cow punch, but what good will that do me?

I hope those boys (yes because only a man likes curves) eyes open and they see what they’ve been missing. I always think of a quote I heard once: “The sexiest thing a woman can have is confidence”. For a curvy girl it’s hard to go shopping, fit something and finding that it doesn’t fit. It sucks balls but when you can wear something that some skinny can’t, well that’s a nice feeling. It is hard to stay confident knowing that wearing a bikini is a nightmare to some but we all have been there.

Confidence is your key (and yes, I sound like a motivation speaker). But I know you guys (and some girls) drool over those Tuesday posts on Running Wolf’s Rant. I want you to remember that not every girl looks like that. That is a lot of hard work, selective balanced diets and lots of sweat in a gym.

Justin Timberlake Quote

So, my rant is that if you don’t have the booty, don’t get up on a table, dance like a stripper and hope your ass is looking sexy. You should know it is. Gentlemen, respect us girls with curves. I know that not all of you are against us, in fact you are our biggest fans. And if she is looking pretty in her outfit, give her a compliment. You might just cheer her up without you knowing. Girls with curves: have fun and be confident. If those girls at the festivals want to show off their flat tummies, you can show off those beautiful boobs you got from being a size 16.

Damnit, now I also have “All about that bass” stuck in my head…

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Alice Green

Alice Green

A green cow, part of a heard of plastic / latex cows, spread between Nelspruit, Sabie and Cape Town. My owner adopted me when I only could speak Chinese, now I'm fluent in Afrikaans, English second language and cow.
Alice Green

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