Demons! Be afraid! Be very afraid!
Yesterday, I read an article on the Daily Mail’s website which incited in me with a fair amount of disgust & sorrow. Most of my friends of British origin will tell you that the Daily Mail is a pretty shit source of actual news, but this story drew my attention as it contained a lot of key words that peaked my interest.
Three teenage girls from Phoenix, Arizona apparently fly across the world & banish demons from people’s souls, freeing them from the pain of physical & sexual abuse. These girls are led in their crusade by the father of one of these girls, Reverend Bob Larson. Tess, Savannah & Brynne are skilled in martial arts, they ride horses, do push-ups & travel with expensive bejeweled crosses in their pockets. They are basically watered down versions of Sarah Michelle Gellar. (I think most men would agree with me that Charisma Carpenter was the best part of that series though..)
Larson, is known for his extremely conservative stance on homosexuality & other forms of sin & has a video on the internet that has gone viral where he ‘exorcises’ the demon out of a gay man which, of course, is the main cause of love of penis & visiting the chocolate factory. He is also well known for his extensive campaigns in the Ukraine, where he of course has a hot bed of people, who live in poverty & are regularly the victims of violence & sexual abuse. Any one seeing the angle here yet? Right market? Psychology of the harmed & bereaved?
Now, I am an atheist. Let the record show that I am, to quote Dara O’Briain, not “an angry ahteist”. I do not care what you believe, as long as you don’t harm other people, or do stupid things in the name of your religious beliefs. Of course, many of my heathen companions would argue that all belief is silly business, but I do not find that to be the case. I only have an issue with people flying planes into buildings or telling me that black people aren’t as pure as white people. Nonsense like that really grinds my gears.
And thus, my tumultuous response to the issue of a creepy old man, convincing young girls that they are doing the Lord’s work & freeing people from their mostly, sexually transmitted demons..
Yes, you heard me correctly.. These girls, who are all virgins (Apparently. Remember, horse riding & hymens don’t go well together. What does the bible say about women on horses? I’m sure they aren’t allowed to ride them?), & of whom one is a soulless ginger ninja, believe that demons can be transmitted to other people via sexual intercourse.. You read correctly, yes.
Uhm, okay.. so here we have one person, say a man, possessed by a demon. Now, that person has sex with another person.. This of course, sparks a flurry of questions & controversy So, does this demon then leave the possessed through the man’s love yoghurt? Does a condom prevent the spread of STP? (Sexually Transmitted Possession) Does the pill have any effect on guarding against the grasp of Satan’s minions? If you pull out & cum on a girls tits, does the demon seed act like some sort of spore & seek out wet mucus membranes like the nose & ears? Are you then left with an emptiness in your heart as your demon abandons you for someone else? So many questions! What are we to do?
These three girls, also believe that a major cause of demonic enthrallment is caused by reading the spells in the Harry Potter books.. Apparently these books cause a notion that “magic can be used for both good & evil”.. When uttering words like “Expilliarmus!” or “Wingardium Leviosa!” you leave yourself totally unguarded against the onslaught of The Unholy One’s army. This of course, is an astoundlingly crappy hypothesis. It means that there are millions of people that are currently possessed & millions more who are getting the seed of Satan jizzed into them every day. On the other hand, this does provide this Threesome of Faith with an everlasting array of cases in which they can hone their trade.. Ha ha!
Now, let’s take a look at what we know about demonic possesion.. According to modern mythology the symptoms of demonic possesion are, bad skin, an insatiable desire for sexual intercourse, projectile vomiting & a rather massive loathing of religious places & artifacts..Climbing of objects as well as weird postures are regular too.. Basically, most people’s teenage years.. And my average weekend.. There are worse things in the world.
So what is my actual issue with this?
There are better things to do. Chasing a “demon” out of people might work as a placebo for a few people, but at the end of the day, the demon takes on many forms & it is my duty as a humanist to council & guide. To point out fallacies & try & help people to find real solice. And one of the main points of demonic possession & excorcism, is that you are never safe. There is always a chance that you could be possessed again. That you might be the victim of an even more powerful sprite. There is no cure. For there to be a business, there can’t be a cure.
Oh and there’s a video about this shit, original aired on Vice (an online TV station), check it out below:
I could rant about this for hours, but I’m not going to. Please tell me what you think? Leave a comment and let me know.
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Kobus Van Rooyen
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