So, the other night while innocently getting incoherently (big word) drunk at Aandklas I bumped into my partner in misdemeanor, Adeline. We hung out, talked shit and continued getting drunk and losing all ambitions. We spoke about how ironic it was that all of you bitch about your problems on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, MySpace and on any other social networks to complete strangers when you have 2 completely strange, capable and let’s be honest, good looking, strangers right here to offer you the kind of love and support you crave from that creepy account that uses a stock photo from a pornstar as his/her profile pic.
After a few more beers I headed to the bathroom to go stand in piss puddles. While there I thought I might as well take a piss as well. Heading back while taking evasive action from any hostile waitresses or staff, I saw a familiar face: a mutual friend of ours who is real and by no means made up, at all. We drank some more and then the standard serious drunken conversations started.
He/she wanted some advice, but yours truly and the one and only were far too drunk at this stage, so we weren’t able to give good advice and Adeline constantly saying “up the ass, no babies” proved this fact. A few moments later while walking away from the table to go and stand in some piss again, I felt bad that we couldn’t help him/her out because he/she genuinely looked fucked, and then I got an idea (or it was just the brownies kicking in). I realized that Adeline and I have a platform where we can give her/him advice while also possibly helping any of you out who are maybe in the same situation and as soon as I headed back to the table and saw the look in Adeline’s eyes, I knew she had the same thought, so it turns out that it was just the brownies.
So, behold Ladies and Gentlemen: The first ever piece of advice by the amazing and slightly disturbed Adeline, and me (the disturbed and slightly amazing Gareth) that will hopefully cure your shyness and convince you to stop complaining on Facebook and ask us for some advice.
The Subject was: “Can a person be friends with their ex while they are in a relationship with someone else”, so take it away Adeline:
“Well Jesus, let’s start off by ignoring the obvious awkwardness of this question. Generally I’m not a nice person, I have tried to be, not really my thing. It takes effort and I’m not a fan of effort (nor emotions). There’s also a reason for this. ‘Elke persoon is ‘n poes, party steek dit net beter weg as ander.’
It’s been proved to me time and again. The question is not really “can you be friends with your ex while in a new relationship”, but actually “WHY would you like to be friends with that person?” You don’t want to fuck them anymore, and you pretty much can’t be “friends” with anyone who you have fucked. My sister says so and she knows her shit.
There will always be that one thing that attracted you to the initial fucking session and alas the last. There will always be that thing, let’s call it ‘Hormone X’. and ‘Hormone X’ will always interfere. Ja sure I know of a lot of people who are friends with their exes – these people also share children – which is unfortunate. No one will ever be good enough to replace you on both sides, and there will always be those pest-like things called feelings which will always be brought up in your new relationship. Ask yourself: ‘Do you really want those emotional talks?’ *Chunders* So, I guess what I’m trying to say is ‘No. You. Can. Not’. The math is simple: Foxes and Rabbits can’t be friends.
Thanks Adeline. Now it’s my turn… I’m going to do something that rarely happens when I am sober, but I’m going to agree with potty mouth Adeline. Rule of thumb: never do anything to your partner that you wouldn’t want them doing to you. This includes being friends with your ex. If the idea of your partner being friends with their ex drives you up the wall then why do you expect your partner to be fine with you being friends with your ex? Why the double standards? Is it different?
No it isn’t. No matter what there will always be feelings between the 2 exes no matter how long ago the two of you were together and if your partner or you have ever said the following: “if you can’t accept me and ‘insert fucknut’s name here”s friendship then we can’t be together” then kick him / her in the fucking balls and say “good riddance” and pat yourself on the back because you just walked away from the biggest mistake you could have ever made. If you have ever said something like that, kindly close your browser window and go make some toast in the bathtub. I like mine brown, with extra butter, thanks.
That line is just a nice way of saying “if you can’t accept me fucking and sexting my ex behind your back while I tell you that I love you and only you then we can’t be together.” You are supposed to come first in your partner’s life. If you come second it better be behind a family member or something. You are not supposed to slot in behind the ex because if that’s the case then you’re just wasting your time and setting yourself up for endless heartache. Thank you and goodnight.
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