19 Funny Oppikoppi Stories: 1 from every one I’ve been to

Today I’m telling you 19 Funny Oppikoppi Stories – 1 from every edition of the festival I’ve attended. I hope you enjoy reading these stories as much as I enjoyed writing about it.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from 1998:

We drank a little too much on the first night, but I eventually went to sleep around 2 AM. Early the next morning my friend Wouter was still waking up in his tent (next to his friend Henry’s tent). He cleared his throat and asked “Henry is die bar al oop?” (Henry is the bar open yet?).

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Henry replied “Nee, nog nie Wouter” (No Wouter, not yet). Wouter responded with “Nou maak maar die bar oop jong” (Open the bar now please). Henry got out of his tent, walked to the boot of his Conquest, opened it, poured two Rums and Cokes and said “Wouter, die bar is nou oop.” (Wouter, the bar is open now).

Moral of the story: It’s never to early to start drinking at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from 2001:

It was a very cold weekend at Fountains Valley in Pretoria and one of my friends accidentally warmed up our camp a little too much. He mistook a paraffin lamp for a scepter and ended up torching one of our lady friend’s legs. She had to go to the doctor the next morning, but came back all bandaged up and with crutches. She didn’t miss any bands because we ended up carrying her around the whole weekend on our backs.

Moral of the story: Oppikoppi is not for pussies.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from 2002:

This edition of Oppikoppi wasn’t my favorite because there were cops everywhere, but at least I got a funny story out of it. One of my friends found an oke in a ditch at Fountains Valley and saved him from freezing to death.

The oke got up and started looking for his car, obviously trying to find dry clothes. He couldn’t find his car, so he reported it as stolen to one of the cops. A few minutes one of the cops came back and showed him where his car was. I think he still had the keys, but I don’t remember if he did.

Moral of the story: Help a brother (or sister) out when you see that they are in distress at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from 2004:

This festival was Oppikoppi’s 10th birthday and it was a goodie. I moved between two different campsites that year: My own campsite and my friend Charlie’s campsite.

On one of the mornings, I strolled to Charlie’s campsite before 7 AM, because I couldn’t find any of my camp mates. I found him sitting barefoot next to the road, Black Label in hand with a t-shirt saying “I fucked your girlfriend”. He tuned me “Henno kom braai saam met my!” (Henno come braai with me dude).

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I asked him “Wat wil jy braai Charlie?” (What do you want to braai Charlie?). He pointed to a grill with a tiny heap of coals and ONE vienna sausage on the grill. We braaied the vienna and then a passer-by saw his t-shirt and said “Dis heel moontlik” (It’s highly possible). We laughed and ended up having more than one Black Label that morning.

Moral of the story: If someone invites you for a braai at Oppikoppi, don’t say no.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from 2005:

My friend Jaco camped next to us at this edition of the festival. He set up his campsite in the dark and could not understand why he kept stepping in thorns every time he walked to his trailer to pour himself a drink. The next morning he realized that he had moved his trailer right next to a cactus when he was setting up camp.

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Moral of the story: Always check your surroundings when you’re setting up camp.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from April 2006:

This was my first Oppikoppi Easter experience and it was a real goodie. At this edition of he festival, one oke’s girlfriend got pissed off with him and tossed his car keys into the bush. He had to fork out a shitload of money to get his car off the farm.

Moral of the story: Don’t piss off your girlfriend at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2006:

I managed to lose my cell phone battery at this edition during The Parlotones set and could not find it anywhere. The next morning, one of our campmates wanted to trade his cell phone battery for my sunglasses, but I said no. I visited my friend’s campsite to ask them if they had found anything. One of them said “Moenie worry nie, ons sal jou bel as ons dit kry” (Don’t worry, we’ll phone when we find it).

Moral of the story: If you loose something at Oppikoppi, accept that you’re probably not going to find it again.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from April 2007:

This is one of my favorite Oppikoppi stories. I woke up after sleeping for more than 5 or 6 hours, eager to party, but all my friends wanted to go sleep, so I decided to check out my other friend’s campsite instead.

They were camping with blind musician Bacchus Nel and our friend Fritz wandered into the campsite, looking for a can of water, but he couldn’t find it anywhere. He got desperate and asked Bacchus “Het jy nie die kannetjie water gesien wat hier gestaan het nie?” (Didn’t you see the can of water standing around here?) Bacchus responded “Ag Fritz, ek het dit al lankal in wyn verander” (No Fritz, I changed that can of water into a wine a while ago already).

Moral of the story: Always ask someone for advice or directions at Oppikoppi. It will enhance your experience.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2007:

Two of my friends dared everyone in our campsite to lick my friend Charlie’s feet for R400. Two girls ended up doing it and three people who saw it ended up puking in the bushes.

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Moral of the story: Be on the lookout for dares at Oppikoppi, you could end up getting more drinking money.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from April 2008:

One of my friends got tired to pour drinks at the camp site, so he made a brandy and coke ready mix in an empty fruit juice papsak. He tied it around his waste with a piece of rope. He was sorted for the whole of the day.

Moral of the story: Never underestimate people’s intelligence at Oppikoppi.You’ll learn something.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2009:

My friend Sarah and I got pissed at the top bar on the first night and ended up looking for our campsite for nearly 3 hours. I got to know a big part of the farm that night.

Moral of the story: Take note of the street names when you set up camp at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2010:

My friend Sarah and I got pissed at the top bar again on the first night. We looked for our tent for 6 hours and were eventually rescued by a friend. It turns out that the one left turn we refused to take was actually the one crucial turn that we should’ve taken to make it to our our tent. Thanks to that experience I know about every inch of the farm now.

Moral of the story: Learn from your experiences at Oppikoppi, don’t repeat your mistakes.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2011:

Baas De Beer managed to loose his Blackberry Bold during Bittereinder‘s first set at the Bruilof stage. The next morning he went to the Lost & Found and asked if they picked up a Blackberry. The auntie responded with “Nope – Blackberry’s are in demand today –  6 people have already asked me for them this morning”. He never found that phone again.

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Moral of the story: Get a festival phone that you don’t mind losing or lock your phone in the car if you know that you’re going to get wasted at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from 2012:

This is one of the funniest Oppikoppi stories I’ve heard. Rochelle was stumbling back to her tent in the dark. She traded her flashlight for a vodka Red Bull and two shots of tequila. Thinking that she had found her tent, she accidentally walked in on two people having some dusty sexy time.

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She gasped, said sorry about 4 times and tried to clamber out of the tent. Very chilled, the guy said: “Vat ‘n bier en fokof” (take a beer and fuck off). He tossed a can of Windhoek at me and carried on with his business. She thanked them, left and enjoyed the beer while carrying on the search for her tent.

Moral of the story: Get into the wrong tent at least once, you might end up with free beer.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2013:

We camped next to some dodgy Nigerians in Mordor. They were stealing people’s stuff, dealing drugs and just making things unpleasant for everyone around them. We tried to get them to move, but they wouldn’t budge.

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Our lesbian friend came back from the stages one night to find that her handbag had been stolen and some other things were also missing from her tent. She found the handbag and all the other stuff on the table in the Nigerian camp and confronted them about it. The one Nigerian tried to moer her girlfriend, but she retaliated by literally burning their camp to the ground and chasing them away with a monkey wrench.

Moral of the story: Don’t fuck with a lesbian’s girlfriend at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2014:

We woke up on day three and we couldn’t understand why there were some dust-free spots on the cars in our campsite. Turns out that a lady friend of ours decided to hook up with an oke and the dust-free spots were in all the locations where they bumped against the cars in the process.

Moral of the story: Make sure you know where your tent’s located, you never know when you’ll have the urge to hook up at Oppikoppi.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2015:

It was the first night and we played Cards Against Humanity with all the comedians who were performing at the festival that weekend. You can just imagine the amount of comedic (and sometimes even dark) creativity that came out on the night. It just got better and better as the brandy bottle became emptier and emptier. You can’t make this shit up.

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Moral of the story: If you’re going to go big on the first night, make sure that you make it a good one. It makes the hangover a little less “eina”.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from August 2016:

This has to be one of the funniest Oppikoppi stories I’ve ever heard. A  bloke from Stellenbosch (who happens to be in a band) was concerned about his professional image at Oppikoppi so he was taking it really slow.

He got hungry while he was watching a band at one of the stages. A girl offered him a honey sandwich to fill the hungry hole in his stomach. He ate the whole sandwich because he was hungry. Turns out that there was magic mushrooms and honey on the sandwich. His whole reputation got ruined, but he survived and he still has a band.

Moral of the story: It’s okay to accept charity from strangers, but make sure that you know what you’re getting from them.

Here’s a funny Oppikoppi story from October 2017:

The funniest thing that I saw on this rainy / muddy weekend was definitely my friends Kyle and Ruan and Kyle’s friend (who lives in Scotland) doing salsa at the Bruilof Stage on one of the mornings. Picture a dude in a dress, next to another dude in a Fokofpolisiekar shirt and another dude in a kilt, doing salsa and you’ll be laughing too.

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Well, there you have it, 19 Funny Oppikoppi Stories (one from every festival that I’ve been to). I hope that you’ve enjoyed this trip down memory lane. If you did and you have more stories to share, feel free to comment here below.

If you don’t have tickets for this year’s Oppikoppi Festival yet, click here.

Feel inquisitive? Read our post which contains 101 Interesting Oppikoppi festival facts.

Not sure who to watch this weekend? Check out our list of recommended Oppikoppi Nomakanjani acts.

First Oppikoppi? Make sure that you read our survival tips.

Watch this space for regular updates in the Music category on Running Wolf’s Rant.

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Henno Kruger

Blogger, Desktop Activist, Twitter / Facebook Addict, Music Festival Addict, Avid lover of South African music, Founder and owner of Running Wolf’s Rant