A list of songs that makes you want to switch off the radio

Despite the technology that’s available on our mobile phones and MP3 players, we still listen to the radio. In our stable we love listening to DJ Fresh on 5FM. His laugh is quite contagious. Since my human’s office moved to the other side of Nelsparta (yes our city is actually that big), we tend to spend more time in ‘traffic’.

We listened to 5FM where Rodger “the Podger’ Goode played Miley Cirus “Wrecking Ball”. We both absolute HATE that song so we switched over to our one community radio station, Radio Laeveld. Low and behold they too were playing ‘playing with my balls’…  Fuck a duck, I couldn’t believe it. Then the conversation started later that evening over a cold beer and we asked ourselves: “Which songs make you switch off your radio or change to another station?”

Songs Suck Ass

I started to ask around and got some pretty mind like people, animals and humans. Here is what I put together from the responses that I received.

“Anything by Miley Cirus”: I think any child who signs a contract with Disney can just as well sign in the future “Will do anything not be a Disney kid anymore”. Look at Britney and her crowd and how they all turned out. Unless you  are 21 and paid to lick some construction site equipment you must be a special kind of stupid.

I don’t like dissing any hard working, under paid songwriter but who ever wrote the song “Wrecking Ball” needs to be left naked, tied to a thorn tree in the middle of the bush and covered in honey – and then we’ll check back on him in a few weeks. As for Miley: Her songs are really irritating, even my human 11 year old niece thinks she is “’n slegte meisie” (meaning a very slutty girl).

“Anything by Die Antwoord”: The level of dislike I have for this duo is indescribable. I think they suck balls and you can just as well wear crocs with socks at Oppikoppi then. Fuck a duck, these guys are evil in a bottle. I laugh at Facebook groups who accuse Taylor Swift of being a devil worshiper, because they missing these two zeffies.

I switch off my radio completely when anything is played by them. And yes, I have watched them live once at Up The Creek a few years ago, I went into 3 songs and left the show. They suck, deal with it.

“Happy’ by Pharrell Williams:  Can you believe this hit the list? Maybe because the song is being over played. Personally I like this song because it’s my “I’m a bitch and I like it” song, but for some it was “Fuck me I’m not happy okay! Go dance somewhere else!!” And before you ask: yes I expect a flash mob when this song begins to play in the Spar shop while buying cheap red wine.

‘Kaptein’ by Kurt Darren: I live in an area where the biggest culture is agriculture and I was quite surprised to find out that people are gatvol for this song. It might only play on community radio stations and Jacaranda (maybe) but it’s over played at weddings and festivals. I don’t like Kurt’s music that much, let’s hope he writes something better than about a dream about girls on an island and his some wired captain. Kurt you will never be as sexy as Johnny Depp in black eye make up, dread locks, even if you can speak like a pirate.

Besides these songs that I hate, there’s also RMS or Radio Murdered Songs… Those are those great songs that become great hits but get over played. We all have a list of RMS’s, songs you don’t even load up on your iPod or MP3 player because the radio just killed them.

You tune into Jacaranda FM and your ears might bleed by lunch time. I’ve never heard such a repeat of RMS! Cher, 3 Doors Down, No Mercy (yeah remember that one in the 1990’s?), Whigfield, Backstreet Boys , Tannie Celine (who Henno’s Pretoria friend calls ‘Celina die hond’) and the Goo Goo Dolls – such great music, but all victims of RMS.

Bigger stations are also guilty of this as well (like 5FM). The first 200 times I heard Jeremy Loops “Power” it was great, but the next 2 million times I was like “Please dudes, don’t kill this song now” and they did…great news for Jeremy because now everyone knows his song other than “Mission to the sun”.

‘Power’ by Jeremy Loops:

I’m completely blame this on RMS (see above) and as much as it saddens me the meaning of the song got lost somewhere in the over kill. Anyone who reads my articles knows I love my boy from Kommetjie but people said “Man I’m so sick of that song” and then when I ask them if they have heard “Skinny Blues” and they say no…it’s an ever loosing / ever winning battle it seems. Thank goodness  I’m not a radio playlist editor.

‘Get Low’ by Dillon Francis & DJ Snake

This song has not been on the ‘charts’ as they would say but it absolute irritation of a song. I keep on thinking that dance DJ’s are trying to use the terms ‘recycle’ & ‘upcycle’ to their own terms on older songs. “Dance to the whistle” is a kak song to play on radio and then it sounds like a bad Egyptian porn movie horn thingy as well. Man, I can’t believe such a kak song even made it to the playlist. Really? I think Parscal & Pearce or my local buddy DV8 songs are better than Flo Rider ‘hits’ – in fact I know DV8 will kick ass.

‘Sex’ by LCNVL

Goeie donner, can the mammies please lock up their very underage teenage girls’ LCNVL CD that features this song? I tell you why this song makes me change my radio station in less than one quarter of a second…

I was at a local pub (yes, that kind that has dance parties on Friday nights). We have like one club here that usually turns into violence central and features some windgat folks. So there we were, having an over priced beer, supporting our local DJ’s when this song started blasting over the speakers.

I first thought it’s a Kevin and Perry go large moment until heard the Chaplin twins deep voices. Moaning like that belongs in two places, in your bedroom (if you’re doing it right) or in a soft porn movie. Watching teenagers and young and stupidious 20 year olds bump and grind to the song was enough to make me want to throw up. Sorry guys, this song should have stayed on the radio.

Anything by Justine Beaver (Justin Bieber)

Kids might hate me now, but my word, he is not even 22 and he’s got more tattoos than Francois van Coke, Lenny Kravitz and Johhny Depp combined. Girls fall for his bullshit because ‘He is so gangsta’.  Really, I can’t wait to see when Justin goes through his artist change (much like Prince or The Artist formerly known as Prince or Symbol).

So, please let me know which songs make you want to turn off your radio… I’d like to hear your thoughts. You can tweet me via @Alice_thecow or via @RWRant with the song name and artist with the hashtag #hatethissong.

Now to find that Shortstraw CD that was lying around here somewhere…

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Alice Green

A green cow, part of a heard of plastic / latex cows, spread between Nelspruit, Sabie and Cape Town. My owner adopted me when I only could speak Chinese, now I'm fluent in Afrikaans, English second language and cow.

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