“Everyone is either moving in with someone, getting engaged, married or having babies”
We have all seen those motivational, or demotivational posters about how ‘happy’ people’s lives suck because they found someone and how “we” or they are just getting more awesome or doing what they really want and love.
I couldn’t have cared less about who was getting engaged or have just had another fuck trophy (baby). That was, until I found myself dumped over the weekend. I can’t even remember the last time someone sent me packing to Dumpsville… What to do, what to do?
So, instead of doing the “Oh my Ghod, I’m so emotional” eating thing, and wrapping myself in a black fur blanket of despair, I’m looking at why being single is actually a very sweet deal. So if you have recently been dumped, or have just never felt the warm squishy love of another human being, stick around son because this could get enjoyable.
Why being single does not suck that much:
No more compromising:
Some backboneless bitch ass somewhere decided that one had to compromise to have a healthy relationship. Well say goodbye to compromising and giving shit up. Eat what you want, or don’t eat. Go out and have fun without having to wonder whether your partner would mind or come along, nagging. Decorate as you see fit. Say and do what you feel without being wary of someone’s “feelings”, shower, don’t shower. Just have a good time, all the time.
FREEEEEEDOM! (Now say it with some Braveheart passion…)
Say cheerio to “checking-in” with someone, and HELLO to all the “girl’s- or boy’s-nights” your little heart can take. Letting someone know who you are with, where you are and what time you’ll be home are all things of the past. Or at least until you get lured into a new relationship-web by some sweet smelling, fine piece of ass… that’s on you.
Yeah sure relationships give you the security of not having your private bits fall off due to some unexplained infection, but it also gives you less exciting sex from time to time. Take your new found singleness to town and make the best of it. Let your hair loose and have someone pull it back tight. Find out what you like and get all the cracked, face punching sex out of the way…
If you’re not so big on the having sex part, maybe look into it. It could be why you are single.Also, go on dates. Play the field, no guilt no promises. If you don’t spend time with a variety of people, how will you ever know what you like or dislike?
No more forced dealings:
“You don’t just date the girl/guy, but the family and friends as well” FUCK, and isn’t that the truth. You’re not supposed to like everyone, if you do. Grow a pair. You will no longer have to spend time with people you dislike and have to put on your best face to seem nice. When dating, chances are good that somewhere you’re going to piss on someone’s stoep who will forever keep it against you. Good. Next time take a shit on that porch, it will make for a good story sometime.
Enjoy the excitement:
Yeah you might feel sad now, but in a week from now you could be camping with wild bears. Once shit gets serious and you are tied down, you have to consult with your partner about “life choices” and kak. No more camping with wild bears for you. Right at this moment, your future is completely open. Take some risks, be spontaneous, shave your unicorn and show it to someone!
Poop with the door open:
The time is now to do just what the fuck YOU want to do. Yeah sure some of it might be frowned upon by society, but here’s the beauty of it. No one is watching. Take a poop with the door open, try and master ‘the worm’. Discover new useless talents with no one judging you. Be completely disgusting if that is what your heart desires. No one sees it, no one cares.
No more gay:
That’s right. Us single folks don’t have to deal shit with ‘communicative’ texts and phone calls. If I don’t want to answer you, I’m not going to, because I don’t have to. Emoticon THAT! No more nagging, explaining or exchanging of “No, you’re the prettiest girl”. Thank Christ. That shit gets exhausting.
Supposedly there are also other things like having more ‘you time’ and time to better yourself. Or to start a new hobby… Yeah, my gran, who is 82 loves her alone time to do hobbies.
All I’m saying is enjoy your singleism while your pelvis muscles allow it. It’s not science or math.
If this wasn’t the most horrible piece you have ever read, keep an eye out for a post that might, or might not contain some info on how to get into someone’s pants. Clownpooop out!
Do you agree or disagree with me? Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Feedback is appreciated and welcome here. If you’ve enjoyed reading my post, feel free to share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter. Remember: Sharing is caring after all.
Watch this space for regular updates in the Opinion category on Running Wolf’s Rant.
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