An Open Letter to Egmond the Destroyer

The world is full of terrible things. Dark, ugly, monstrous things that would make your stomach churn. Bile bears, child molestation, rape, Somali Pirates & cannibals are but a few things that are all too terrifying and unfortunately, all too real. Yet there are things, dangerous things that lurk in the open. Things that are passed off to us as art & culture. Things that make my blood boil & ears bleed…

Yesterday, as I sat down in front of my laptop to get started on my administrative duties for the day, a former good friend assaulted my senses with the utter cancer that is known as Egmond. An Afrikaans “musician” who’s music nearly cost me my sanity.

I struggle to describe the emotional journey into which I was thrust. Like a demon child exiting Satan’s womb, screaming, howling, fire bursting forth from my eyes! The smell of burning flesh stung the air, whilst lightning struck all around the very essence of my soul. It burned, I tell you! Oh, how it burned!!!

After throwing away three minutes & 20 twenty seconds of my life, I wandered around the office in a daze. My mind not able to comprehend the the horrors which I had just witnessed. I stood outside, fell to my knees & if I ever had any doubt that there is a higher power in this world that is there for the good of us all, that doubt was finally & forcefully removed from me.

My life would never be the same again. I threatened violence. I cried. I screamed and tore the clothes from my body & scratched myself whilst letting the hot ash from my Marlboro Light rain down upon me until I was nothing but a bloody pool of rags, ash & mangled flesh. I raised my hands to the sky in a final attempt to understand & shouted to a god that wasn’t there. WHY? WHY? WHY? Life as I knew it ended yesterday thanks to this ridiculous endeavor of yours Egmond. I am nothing. I am shell. An empty space drifting lonesomely through the cosmos.

Do you know what Ebola is, Egmond? No? Well let me tell you. There are four kinds of known Ebola viruses which generally cause what is known as Ebola hemorrhagic fever. You contract this fever, & the virus starts attacking the membranes around your cells, slowly dissolving them until you start leaking into yourself. You have fever, painful headaches, excruciating muscle cramps & then you start vomiting. And once this starts, it’s over for you. You start bleeding a mixture of blood, cellular tissue & other internal fluids through every orifice in your body. Blood & puss runs out of your eyes, whilst you jerk & shudder uncontrollably. This might take days, or hours. It’s painful. It’s ridiculously painful & one of the worst ways to die.

The reason I tell you this is, I would much rather contract Ebola & die a horrible death then ever subject myself to the torture that is your music ever again. I would do horrible things to never have to expose myself to the mutated, deformed monstrosity that is that which you proclaim as “music”.

My mom always says “Don’t give exposure to these people. They don’t deserve it!” And she is right in a way. But we should. The world has a right to know how horrible you are. The world should know that you do not deserve to be labeled as a musician, or “artist” of any kind. It is unacceptable. You should be put in front of a a whole platoon of soldiers & be executed for crimes against humanity.

But alas, my warnings will go unheeded. People will rise up to defend you & your “art”. That is the problem with our world, Egmond. You suck. You really do. But, you have a right to suck & unfortunately I do not possess the right to shoot you in the face for the things that you have done to me.

I have one right though, & that is the right to tell you that what you do is a horrendous thing. And I will. I’m not sure if you’ll ever read this. Or understand what I am trying to purvey here, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone to explain it to you. All in all. What I’m trying to say is, go fuck your face. Peace.

What do you think? Leave a comment and let know. It doesn’t matter if you agree with me or not, feedback is appreciated and welcome here.

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