Did you know that quitting a job is like breaking up with someone? It’s a fact that we see each other every weekday, we love each other on the good days and hate each other on the bad days. We fight every morning when I am forced to wake up and I don’t want to. We argue about money, especially when I receive it once a month but need it at least twice a month. We spend 8 hours a day together, every…single…day… My Job.
One of the most constant and stable relationships I have been in since I graduated varsity is the one I was in until a few days ago, my day job
Boyfriends come and go, but I found myself in a position where my weekday lover, or company and I have been together for a while and things were looking great… until something better came along. It was not until I had to resign recently that I realized that a company is like a person and breaking up with my job felt a lot like dumping a boyfriend, and by a lot, I mean worse.
First there’s the Cheating when you are looking for a better job before you even feel that the lesser job deserves to know that you are dumping it. You are essentially looking for a better (weekday) lover, and meeting for a steamy make out session before even considering breaking up with your current better half.
You wear your this-is-fake-because-you-suck-and-I-want-to-meet-someone-else smile everyday, drink your current job’s coffee and use said job’s internet access to search for a job that is ‘better looking’ and with much more to offer. You then make up some elaborate lie in order to go on the first date with the new prospect and return as if nothing happened. You smile and have meeting-dates with your current job all the while knowing that you have been a lying cheater to your current loyal job.
After spending some time with the new prospect and deciding that they light up that fire in you, you have to have the talk. Just the thought of saying the words “we need to talk” makes people pray for the apocalypse to come so it can all be avoided. A good breakup talk? hah! There is no possible positive way in telling a person or a job that they are not worth your company and efforts anymore, never the less that you have found a better one that gives you better benefits, meal vouchers and shitloads more money.
Doing it quickly, like ripping off a wax strip is the worst advise that anyone has ever given me. I have not seen a wax strip get needy and desperate, coming up with reasons and offers to stay, when it came time to part ways.
After all of this torture, my perfect scenario plays out with me putting that letter down, walking out of the Boss man’s office with my fist in the air as “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey starts playing, reaching the chorus as one of my colleagues hands me a bottle of champagne, the rest of them cheering. Roll Credits.
That doesn’t happen. THAT post-resignation meeting where you list all your reasons for leaving, was the idea of a very sick sadistic person (probably the same guy that dreamt up the images of that Walking Dead zombie in the watering pit) . It is like breaking up with someone on Whatsapp and then having a coffee date after where you discuss all the reasons he sucks and everything he couldn’t give you.Â
If you were any good at your job, this conversation is normally met with pleas trying to convince you to stay and promises of more money. This makes the next part unbearable. The Notice Period.
The customary one calendar month notice period is the exact same as telling him that you have met someone better and that you are definitely leaving and never coming back…but not right now…only 25 to 30 days from now.
So there you all sit every day, knowing.
Why the hell would you want me, who has no desire what so ever to be in your presence anymore, this close to you? That’s like awkward, passionless breakup sex, with forced eye contact, that lasts for an entire 4 weeks.
Needless to say, it has been the worst and most difficult thing, but I have now broken up with my amazing job in the Fashion Industry after 4 years. There were more tears and tissues, loud gasps, chaos and cake than necessary – being fashion and all – but I survived, my old job will survive and maybe the next breakup will be less painful and awkward due to my new found job dumping experience.Â
Well, there you have it. Do you agree or disagree with me? Leave a comment and let me know. Feedback is appreciated an welcome here.
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