Facebook Twitter Instagram
    Running Wolf's Rant
    Latest News
    • SAMA28 announces Top 10 in public voting categories
    • Gia Mckay releases new single: “Cut Up”
    • Louise Carver Releases ‘Nothing Feels Good Without You’
    • Will Linley drops debut EP: “Kill All My Feelings”
    • Kat Releases ‘Halloween’ (Produced By Mark Haze)
    • RIP Mthandeni Mvelase (The Music Industry Icon)
    • Brace yourselves for The Narrow’s 20th Anniversary Tour
    • SAMA28 To Return to Sun City
    Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube RSS TikTok
    Home
    • Categories
      • Entertainment
      • Facts
      • General News
      • Hacks
      • Opinion
      • Photography
      • Quotes
      • Technology
    • Pages
      • Interesting Music Facts
      • Music Events
      • South African Artists & Bands
      • South African Live Music Events, Venues & Festivals
      • Submit Music Facts
      • Submit Music Festival Stories
    • Featured
    • Contact Us
    • Privacy Policy
    Subscribe
    Running Wolf's Rant
    Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube RSS
    Home»Entertainment»Humor»101 Funny Quotes from Stand-up Comedians

    101 Funny Quotes from Stand-up Comedians

    Henno KrugerBy Henno KrugerSep 27, 2018 Humor 16 Mins Read7,593 Views
    Share
    Facebook Twitter Email Telegram WhatsApp

    Stand-up Comedians have been around for a long time. Stand-up comedy as an art form has its origin in classic Parrhesia (in ancient Greece) in 400 BC. It was used for cynics and epicureans in order to tell the reality without censorship.

    In the 16th and 17th Century Chakyar koothu was very popular in two Indian states (Trivandrum and southern Kerala). It had all the attributes of modern stand-up comedy. It’s widely considered to be the oldest known staged comedy act anywhere in the world.

    Stand-up Comedians

    Modern Stand-up Comedy has been wedging itself into popular culture throughout the 18th, 19th and 20th Century and it’s become an integral part of modern society as we know it. Stand-up Comedians remind us not to take life too seriously. They comment on politics and other topics and give us their take on reality.

    Here are 101 Funny Quotes from Stand-up Comedians to brighten up your day:

    Let’s start with one of my favourite stand-up comedians, George Carlin

    1. “I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!”

    2.“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

    3. “I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.”

    4. “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

    5. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

    George Carlin - Stand-up Comedians

    6. “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

    7. “If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

    8. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

    9. “If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.”

    10. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

    Next up is stand-up comedian turned actor, Chris Rock

    11. “A white boy that makes C’s in college can make it to the White House.”

    12. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

    13. “Don’t argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a argument. It’s impossible you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense.”

    14. “Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollars, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.”

    15. “I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.”

    Chris Rock - Stand-up Comedians

    16. “If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.”

    17. “Who’s judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!”

    18. “Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don’t like gays? You’re gonna have a gay son. You don’t like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter’s gonna come home with Livin’ La Vida Loca!”

    19. “I’m watching the news … Tupac Shakur was assassinated, Biggie Smalls assassinated, struck down by assassin’s bullets … no, they wasn’t. Martin Luther King was assassinated, Malcolm X was assassinated, John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Them two niggas got shot! Shit, I love Tupac, I love Biggie, but school will be open on their birthday.”

    20. “Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who’s better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!”

    Get updates via email
    1 2 3 4 5
    Bill Hicks Chris Rock Dylan Moran Eddie Izzard Frankie Boyle George Carlin Lewis Black Robin Williams Rodney Dangerfield South Africa Stand-up Comedians Stand-up Comedy Trevor Noah UK USA
    Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Telegram WhatsApp Reddit Email
    Previous ArticleWillim Welsyn: Terug met ’n video, podcast-episodes & nog meer
    Next Article The 7 Best Smartphones of 2018
    Henno Kruger

    Blogger, Desktop Activist, Twitter / Facebook Addict, Music Festival Addict, Avid lover of South African music, Founder and owner of Running Wolf's Rant

    Related Posts

    30 Funny Mitch Hedberg Quotes

    Feb 18, 20216 Mins Read126 Views

    30 Funny Chris Rock Quotes

    Feb 11, 20216 Mins Read87 Views

    15 Hilarious Steven Wright Quotes

    Jul 22, 20194 Mins Read144 Views

    11 Funny Jack Whitehall Quotes that will improve your mood

    Jan 15, 20193 Mins Read132 Views

    30 Funny Barney Stinson Quotes

    Nov 13, 20187 Mins Read455 Views

    Bill Hicks on Smoking

    Apr 25, 20122 Mins Read117 Views

    Leave A Reply Cancel Reply

    You Might Like

    Mission Impossible – Rogue Nation Review

    Aug 31, 2015

    A quick chat with African Beer Emporium

    May 12, 201619 Views

    Reading Festival 2019: A Razzling Dazzling Affair

    Sep 12, 201920 Views

    Photo Album: Straatligkinders at Arcade Empire

    Oct 2, 201215 Views

    A quick Pre-Oppikoppi chat with Tuin

    Aug 5, 201510 Views
    Subscribe
    Get updates via email
    You Might Also Like

    5 Useful Bedroom Makeover Tips

    Aug 25, 202032 Views

    8 Of The Most Underrated Watch Brands

    Jun 20, 2020179 Views

    Plagiarism: 10 Ways Students Can Avoid It in Writing

    Jan 24, 2022121 Views

    The Guild – Do You Wanna Date My Avatar (Video)

    Aug 19, 200951 Views

    How Technology is Changing the CBD Industry

    Sep 25, 202013 Views
    Follow Us
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • YouTube
    About Running Wolf’s Rant
    About Running Wolf's Rant

    Running Wolf's Rant has been covering the South African Music Scene and featuring interesting, funny and engaging content since 2008.

    Feel free to explore the various sections and categories. We hope that you find something howling good while you're exploring. Please share posts that you find interesting with your friends on Social Media. Share buttons are provided.

    Featured Posts

    Photo Album: Isochronous Shows in 2011

    Dec 19, 201134 Views

    The SABC gets a bail-out and The Kiffness wants money

    Oct 8, 20199 Views

    5 of the Best Albums of 1995

    Sep 30, 201936 Views
    Recent Posts

    Buying A Gaming Laptop? Consider These Factors

    Aug 10, 20225 Views

    3 Ways To Find the Best Name for Your Business

    Aug 8, 202221 Views

    SAMA28 announces Top 10 in public voting categories

    Aug 6, 202221 Views
    Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube RSS
    © 2022 Running Wolf's Rant. Designed by ThemeSphere.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.