For those of you who didn’t know, Chuck Norris was born in 1940 the United States. He’s a world famous Martial Artist, Actor and Media Personality. He gained fame with his “tough guy image” through his roles in numerous action films in the 1980s. People of my generation will probably be aware of the Missing in Action and Delta Force films of this period.
He was the leading action star for Cannon Pictures in the 1980s. He also starred in Walker Texas Ranger between 1993 and 2001. Because of “tough guy image” people have been posting various Chuck Norris facts online and he’s gained internet fame for this reason Not bad for someone who turns 70 in 2010. This post contains the 30 best Chuck Norris Jokes I’ve found on the net. Some of you have probably heard some of these before.
- He invented C++ after roundhouse kicking C – Twice.
- Chuck Norris’ website gets no hits cause no one hits Chuck Norris.
- He stares at a steak and it turns to biltong.
- His email address is ChuckNorris. He is the internet domain.
- He has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
- Chuck Norris’ CPU doesn’t have a fan.
- He can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
- He once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- There is no ‘ctrl’ button on his computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
- He once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
- Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
- He can touch MC Hammer.
- He ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- He drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
- He invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
- In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
- When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
- Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
- He has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
- He is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
- One time while sparring with Wolverine, he accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
- Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
- He once gave his cell phone a brain tumor.
- He can watch “60 Minutes” in 20 seconds.
- He never learns. He knows.
- Touching Chuck Norris’ beard will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following roundhouse kick will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math.
- He can build a snowman out of rain.
- When Chuck Norris was little he followed a rainbow. He met a leprechaun and asked for its gold. It wouldn’t give it to him. This is why we no longer have leprechauns.
This is a video of Chuck Norris reading the Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts:
Watch this space for regular updates in the Humor category on Running Wolf’s Rant.